A perfect procrastinate performer should employ as much as possible tactics from the following list. They are split on several situations.

  1. Real time communication
    • Never give a clear answer on the spot. Use “Let me look into this”.
    • Clarify that there is a special place to have discussions about work: workplace.
    • Is fine to have discussions about hobbies at workplace: they improve the cohesion factor.
    • Master small talk.
    • Be prepared to discuss about the topics that have higher probability to be of interest for your target: * Others * Networks and who’s who * Colleagues * Children * Opposite sex
      * Events * Concerts * Social gatherings
      * Sports * Traveling * Shopping * Ideas * Cars * Philosophy
    • Combine this with
      • Smoking breaks
      • Coffee breaks
      • Gym breaks
      • Shopping breaks
    • Use hot reading of your managers/colleagues
  2. Emails
    • You should communicate through email.
    • Make email address mistakes. The email should be written manually to increase the probability of making mistakes. The recovery can be made only when the destination realizes that he doesn’t have the email (if he realizes) followed by a recovery of discussion by email as well.
    • Never use distribution lists to communicate. This might enable proactive work.
    • Nobody should be informed of what you’re doing except if they specifically ask it by email and several times verbally.
    • Reply selectively to your emails. Better: reply randomly to your emails.
  3. Meetings
    • Create meetings:
      • clarification meetings
      • status report meetings
    • Better: create meetings that can’t be classified.
    • The meetings shouldn’t have an agenda.
    • Invite as many as possible people to meetings.
  4. Investigations
    • Report the problem with as few as possible problems.
    • Report the problem giving hints of possible cause in the wrong directions.
  5. Situations
    • Ignore bad situations. Let them fall unnoticed.
    • For an added efficiency: talk about bad situations like they are great victories.
  6. Responsibility
    • Elude responsibility by delegating work and responsibility and not recognition.
    • Complain about insufficient time. Bonus for better words “I don’t have enough bandwidth.”
    • Delegate on the spot - The persons on vacation are the ones that are essential to your continuation.
  7. Choose moments
    • Take vacation/fall ill one week before important events
      • evict more work
      • you can maintain independent position and choose the winner
      • in case of later failure you weren’t consulted
  8. Risk management
    • Risk of failure
      • Inflate complexity of your work.
      • Lower expectations of achievement.
      • Complain that your work is hard.